PajamaMind

tinmari.com

2011-07-24T20:30:00.001+08:00

Moved to a permanent location.

the fire gets me going.

2011-07-04T23:02:00.004+08:00

It's thinking time, and I've been deeply rooting out the cause of insensitivity on my part. I didn't need to go far. Just dug an inch deep, and I know what I want, and no, i don't want something worthwhile. Not now, anyway. If I linger too long I know I could lose my chances, but then, there's always something else out there. Don't care if it's not the best, as long as it's for me.

I'm having fun doing what I do, and it's not even my time of the year yet. Living this life is scary, yet exciting enough to keep me going. Thanks for giving me reason to be like this. I owe you, and you don't even know it. This may be the start of moving on from something unreachable to another unreachable something, but at least it's different this time.

This calls for a fresh start.
Goodbye, thinkingpajamas.
It was nice filling you up.
It's time for me to move on.
I loved you, and i'll always remember you. :)

cozy nests

2011-06-29T16:10:00.003+08:00

No lectures and all exams for pathology.
plus a really cool teacher for medsurg who teaches us how to commit suicide in a painless fashion. Pwede!

Acquaintance in two days. I'm kind of excited, i have my vintage attire on a hanger, on the rack, and on my bed. It's a full blue, and more of blue. I'll be taking pictures during the event, and i'll be (surely) taking many pictures of YOU!! muhahaha. I love this job.

After finishing four posters, and passing the first two patho exams, nothing could be more rewarding than a takeaway caramel latte from noriter as a pat on the back.

I started swimming and jogging last week, and saw fresh blood two days later. Meh. I'm not so sure jogging these days is such a good idea. Back under the covers, then.

I feel extremely indifferent this week.
Why hello, old me.

I can be deadly

2011-06-13T22:41:00.005+08:00

I didn't know I had to go this far, only to be consumed in the guilt of an action that was never truly thought of well enough. I should have written my message in the pavement, keep it an anonymous vandal that nobody will ever take seriously. Someday, it might be either just a memory, or it might be the best love story ever told. I am taking a risk, a chance on something that might be something else, and truth be told, I'd rather escape by any means possible. This is not bliss.

I have five more months of having not so much to do, and nothing else in my spare time. I seriously wish I brought my keyboard along, but then again, no. Nothing to do but think. This is not good. I need some kind of hobby, a distraction, a fling? Meh. I've only so much but clarity. I'm living my life, and i'm making it work by what means? I want to be busy, and two subjects ain't gonna do that. Responsibility is such a chore, and something I've imposed on myself only so many times.

--update--
Enrolled. Check
Paid for the pad. Check
Started to jog. Unchecked
Inquired about piano lessons. Check
--

I need things done.
Aside from that, I seriously need to forget faster, and you're not helping.
--update--
Okay, so.. Yeah, forgetting would be easier because of certain recent events. Getting attached will get me nowhere. Psh.
--

Would I be wise enough to let him go?
Or better yet, Would you be wise enough to let me go?

ice war

2011-06-08T11:26:00.005+08:00

So I sit and play random notes, frustration gnawing away at what's left of my sanity, all the while thinking if there is something more serious than the storm brewing on this otherwise sunny day. Guess i'd have to wait, then. I think that I have recently been too dependent, and that I am losing my sense of self-motivation. It must be about time to forget again, like the countless times I have done so. I have always succeeded in those endeavors of a different kind, and when the day comes that I don't, that's the time i'd take the chance of building again what I've broken countless times.

Since the dishiveled tangle of a heart that I have is slowly beginning to loosen up to the possibilities of happiness, I am led to think that there must be something more. Give it a few more years.

Shoo. resposting. :)

Please go away

2011-06-06T22:18:00.002+08:00

I've been doing really well.
Then you just have to look at me, don't you?
You remember me, and I faint in the midst of the bliss.
I turn to dust, and you look away.

You really don't have to be kind to me.
Why do you drink from the glass I offer, only to return it half full?
Please go away. Just, go away.

future possibilities

2011-06-01T23:44:00.004+08:00

Hello humidity, and i'm a damp dalmatian in the midst of the madness. I have bruises everywhere, and I am basically scared to death for tomorrow. Oh well, things have changed for me, and that's okay. I'm on my way. And I say. Things have changed for meeee. :))

I'm tired. Whatever the result is tomorrow, i'll say i'm normal. Ganun na, till' death do us part. :))

Excuses

2011-05-27T19:01:00.002+08:00

Last night, we spent dinner at the house of Wyree.. and Deann.. I really don't want to misspell their names so i'll just call them the Kenyan woman and her Serbian husband. Their house was just too cool for comfort, with masks from Africa and some spears and a shield on one side, to Serbian art forms and articles on the other. Their dining room was cute and was themed Italian. As we settle for dinner the guy promptly stands and offers red wine from France and poured as if it was Nestea.

They instisted on everything fresh from the oven, stove, whatever, so she made spinach rolls and smoked fish for the appetizer, and i'm amazed at how she made the rolls from scratch. It was just too cool. When she served lamb with potatoes I could hardly keep up, so I ended up passing the potatoes for some bread. Very smart and cool Serbian guy gives me a cup of latte from his own espresso machine, which I found really amazing. I'm full at this point, but not full enough to pass up the missus' pineapple crumble (again, from scratch).

Serbian sir gets up and returns with a small tin box of chocolates, and offers me one. I gladly take it, but now wish I didn't; i'm craving for that small piece of heaven on earth... and there's nothing like that near here. -_-

Well anyway, i'm thinking about signing myself up for getting a Mhendi henna tomorrow. It's 3pm and I haven't eaten today. I'm getting woozy and so is my blog entry. Meh. Forgive me.

salsa on a string

2011-05-23T04:00:00.006+08:00

Three weeks since touchdown, and my once empty bedside table is cramped with eight crime novels, half a dozen chocolate bars, and my laptop. A lot has happened, a lot of places were went to, a lot of food was eaten (and the occasional meal with the weird taste puked out), and a lot of people were met (and kissed. i'm still not used to their greeting, probably never will, after all).

I am missing Filipino food, and to the first person to offer me rice and whatever Filipino cuisine when I get home, I will be forever grateful. I'm still wondering how I will manage to place all of the stuff into my sorry excuse of a stroller that probably will give in to the weight and pressure of everything I will cram into it.

When I was grabbing a glass of Amarula this evening, my mom asked me if I was having a glass of the stuff at University every night as well. (haha, i wish) Of course I told her no, I only wish I had enough guts to do that, to put academics behind something like that. Meh. Alcoholic much? neh.

I recently found out that i'm an ISTJ type when I decided to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. I got curious when my mom and the pastor and his wife were discussing it over supper last Friday night. I was too busy enjoying the boiling-cheese-over-potatoes dinner to pay much attention, but when they started talking about personalities, I somehow got drawn into the conversation and found myself taking the online test a few hours later. So there it is, ISTJ, just like my mum.

We weren't able to go to Isle de Cerfs (Island of Stags) this afternoon since the rain was awesome and just had to ruin our trip to the most beautiful island ever, therefore cutting my dreams of a boat ride over the Indian Ocean, aside from a good excuse to take off my heels. Meh. So much for that. As a backup tour, the pastor and his wife took us to a tea plantation, and to a restaurant that overlooked the plants, as well as the city and sea. It was a lovely sight, and I was so amused by the pine trees and flowers. The meal was amazing, and their African iced tea was, well, never too fresh, and made like they meant business. They practically made Lipton and Nestea chemistry a walk in the park. I would have to do doubletime in the gym, not that i'm hoping for any result, not gonna happen. :))

I must say, I miss my friends, but I think I like this place.
What's really weird is, I don't miss you, and you.

This should be the life, eh? neh.

the proceedings

2011-05-18T23:16:00.005+08:00

I ate a Snickers ice cream bar this morning, and it made me spend an hour or so on the treadmill till' i was about to faint. After that, i took a bath. A dip in the warm tub never felt so right, with a glass of Amarula in hand, I was in heaven. Woo alcoholics anonymous here I come.. Too bad I couldn't have a fag right there and then.

I shall be going with the mother to work tomorrow, then lose myself in the city for the second time around. This time i'll bring a camera, so that people will know that I AM TOURIST. I will not be wearing heels ever again, because I learned that cobblestone pavements can kill heels and the person wearing them.

Which reminds me, I will be on the hunt for earrings tomorrow, meh. Talking to people. One more week after this. So, any more ideas for pasalubong? Something small enough to fit in my bag. I believe I would have to throw all my clothes away to make room for ~~pasalubong~~. I love too much. Wha.

Scratched it, I bought a pile of books, so yea, That's what's gonna take up space. Didn't find the earrings, told myself I should have bought some at Grand Baie While I had the chance. :c

Didn't go to work with mum today, felt so tired after last night. Meh.

the second decade

2011-05-17T02:24:00.005+08:00

I spent the day alone, buried in a book, sitting on a chair outside a cafe facing the lovely waters of the Indian Ocean.. I struggle to get out of my heels as I decipher the mix of the latte i'm drinking. Pigeons walking their way through the cold, gray cobblestones peck at crumbs from the nearby table, not even budging while people walk past them. I decide that I like it here, where birds don't feel the need to escape anytime it senses a human close by.

Being away from it all never felt so good. I don't stop to look at my phone, and I don't feel the urge or have any intention to talk to anyone except the waitress who is serving my coffee, to whom a smiling "merci" is good enough. This is all aside from the fact that I can't actually talk to them because of the language barrier. It's nice not to feel the need for communication for a while. I stay like that for an hour or two. I conclude that losing track of time is best done in a place like this.

Let's get down to it. I'm twenty, and I really am not sure if I have matured that much in the past year, with most of the year being drugged and psychotic and all that. It's a tad bit hard to actually, what's that word? Evaluate. Got it. It's hard to evaluate yourself when there are a lot of factors. People should keep on growing into more mature beings, but there is only so much that drives us crazy. But I guess that pretty much sums up life: Life is a maze. Ha?

No, really.

Anyway, here are some of the little things i'd remember for my twentieth:

* Someone from the school where my mom works sent me a bunch of flowers. That was really sweet.

* I mixed a birthday daiquiri + vodka after dinner.

* Good book. Good times. Nerdy girl. Right there.

* Something else I can't put into writing because of circumstances that are bad for the health.

Yea, it was a good birthday.

Who would have thought I'd last till today eh? Definitely not me. I'm so happy i'm still alive though, and definitely thankful that God gave me two awesome decades of being me and all, He's really cool and all that. Like, I really wouldn't mind if He gave me another decade, you know.

Thanks, Big Guy. :D

On the rocks

2011-05-15T18:55:00.003+08:00

Last Tuesday:

Me: Ma gusto mo hadi? (holding drink on the rocks)
Mom: Ano ito?
Me: Amarula, marasa ini ig on the rocks kun mababad ha tub :D
Mom: Hagi di ak, maknock out pa ak, magtratrabaho pa ak.

Last Thursday:

Me: Ma adin Amarula.
Mom: Di ak hito, kuha-i daw hin beer ngadto.
Me: Aw sige, adi ubos naman ngani tak botelya.

Last night:

Mom: Hala, waray ka man pumalit han imo gin iinom, ano adto, an bagan kape?
Me: Aw. Amarula?
Mom: Oo, adto
Me: Kay waray guti ha Monoprix(store), maupay it gutiay nga bottle kay para fresh. Mayda pa ako didi Smirnoff, ok pa ak.
Mom: Aw, makadto man kita buwas ha Jumbo(mall), pamiling nala ngadto. Ano tim dadad-un ha pilipinas?
Me: Aw.. an dako na nga amarula, ngan kun ano pa tak mabilngan.. (referring to Absinthe :] )
Mom: Aw.. sige..

Earlier:

Mom: Adto man didto mga irimnon, makadi la ako mga fruits
Me: Aw, adto man. okay sige.

5 mins...

Me: Nakabiling ak hin guti, pati daquiri.
Mom: aw, sige. waray ka igmimix?
Me: meh, waray. mahubya.

:)))

So supportive naman. Thanks ah!

yellow bird

2011-05-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

half the day I had my nose buried in a crime novel, and half the day I strut down the cobblestone roads of Port Louis in wedge heels, which I now realize was a bad idea.(Katatanga nala) After all the systematic greetings and hullabaloo, I get comfy in a library chair and read again. Around five in the afternoon, I sit on a bench, waiting for the mum to come down. Beside me is a palm tree filled with nests dangling on the edge of the blade-like leaves, and I used to think they looked so pretty, like I could put lights inside the nests and make it look like a decorative ornament for the tree. That was before I noticed the yellow bird on the leaf, plucking every twig out of the nest, letting it fall. Now, I'm in no position to say that that little bird owned that nest, and I was just watching it do it's thing when I noticed another bird doing the same thing. Looks like they were letting the nests fall because they're about to build new ones. Talk about major reconstruction. Those were works of art, so simple yet so durable.

Good for them, they develop no sentiment of what was home. For them, it was just a place where they developed, and they moved on. Perhaps I should move on too.

What was once home is just another house. Home is where I want home to be.

motionless

2011-05-09T01:35:00.005+08:00

Despite all the constant tugs of circumstance, I stand my ground. I shall wait for the dawn, wait till' the sun reaches the horizon, though I know if I wait too long, it will be gone. The world can go on, and I can stay right here. Sometimes I want to dance to the beat of the times, but soon enough I pull myself out of all the madness. I stop only to realize that i'm gone again, another number has started.

Expectations rise as my stiff brow softens. There is a jungle under the cotton covers. I wake up to a constant headache every time you call me through the wall. I cover my ears yet I still hear. Rocking back and forth doesn't help, either. I try to sing to myself until there's nothing left to hear.

Hear you through windows, hear you through glass.
Hear you through concrete, hear you through brass.

For the third time this week you are drunk at my doorstep, and I close the screen door in your face. Waiting drains my whiskey blood, and I shall be left with nothing but a sober romance. I'll make sure that's all it will be. No intoxication, I don't want to make you sway, not anymore.

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying.
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine.

:)

Town House 7, Diplomat Garden, Alee Des Cypres

2011-05-04T13:09:00.003+08:00

Alone at last, sitting on a soft couch across the empty fireplace on a cold, windy day, with my feet taking comfort rubbing against the carpet, dreading the cold, wooden floor. The white translucent curtains lift as the wind rushes into the sitting area as I sip my morning cup of joe. The doors to the backyard are open, and I can hear the birds outside, probably perched on their usual tree. Such luxury cannot be enjoyed by the tenants of this house, them being away during the week and all, and this leaves me, enjoying everything they were blessed with: from the sitting area, the wooden chair outside, the balcony, the couch, and the bathtub. It's basically a modern home of my dreams; one I see only through Autocad. I am very lucky and extremely thankful for all this, yet it is unfair enough that I am left wondering where the sunlight went. I will take pictures of this place, and keep them in my memories forever.

I got an early birthday gift from my mom, and I kind of feel guilty about owning this. I just pray that it's not what I think it is. It's such a clean cut, and looks great on my color. ;)

I will probably head to the gym later, or the crater, or both. This is my summer, my winter, my vacation. I will take time to breathe in, and breathe you out of my system. You have intoxicated me for too long, and now you live inside someone I do not recognize. It's about time I left you in Africa for good, because I think it's dangerous to try to take what is not ours.

Pre. Post. Posted

2011-04-29T11:42:00.002+08:00

HK airport: an hour before takeoff, and i'm making myself comfortable on the chairs of the pre-departure. Comments are often overrated, yet... Tae daw hin kahahagkut.

And 24+4+3 hours later.

Opening the window shade, I saw the light. We were following the sun.

I wanted to jump into cirrus through cirrus, stratus through stratus, every layer of the utopia in the sky. I wanted to make a trampoline out of the cumulus clouds, land with a 'poof!', and dive into the vast expanse of the Indian Ocean. A peach paradise was on the horizon towards the east, and a cumulostratus gummy bear was off to follow the light.

We followed the sun a few hours more, trying to delay the ending of the day, but of course, it had to end sometime. I was left with a neon pink penlight tracing the horizon, and there was grey, and I found myself in Mauritius, circling the mountain in the middle of the plains.

What kind of landscape is this? Dammit. I want live here, that is if I even learn French.

18 hours, going 20

2011-04-28T13:54:00.002+08:00

By this time tomorrow, i'll be on a plane. A nine hour trip to nowhere in particular. It's just another place wherein I won't understand a word they say. Fancy french doesn't quite tickle me pink. I will be missing people, mind you. What i'm not so certain about is who i'm actually gonna miss. I guess i'll find that out sooner or later. It's a good point to ponder while i'm away for a month, gallivanting on the shores of a remote island in Africa. I'm looking forward to both a lot of travelling a lot of thinking, and I will be subject to the alien matter called "feelings". Hm. We'll see about that..

I'm staying at a cousin's house in Alabang, and well, it's pretty huge. A lot of rooms, a pool, half a dozen cars, and a really cute dog (that loves me, of course). It's quite sad how the biggest homes have the most distant families, eh? No matter how huge this house is, it's still, well... not right. Well, I love the room i'm staying in, that's fosho, but still... It's a little bothering. Well anyway, i'll be here 18 hours the most, so I guess i'll be heading downstairs to play with the dog. :)

The Greater Heights

2011-04-11T21:51:00.003+08:00

It's sad how one can reach out to what is deemed unreachable, only to find out that there are greater heights.

You sit on these rocks of greater heights where flaws are unseen from afar. My eyes are always looking out at you from a distance, with you on these greater heights. Many flaws are unappreciated, but yours are not even minor setbacks, considering these are the sacred flaws on greater heights. The undeniably fluid motion of your mind is a high contrast against the rough personality; your protective shell, the indestructible osteons on greater heights.

As I head towards the elevator, the fire exit door makes its way into my being. It kills me to use the stairs for such a long flight, but it just might be worth it.

For greater heights!

550

2011-04-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

Yes. I am officially listening to R&B voluntarily, and on loop.
The impossible has happened.
When shall this end?

I have become extremely addicted to Kopiko brown coffee, and Nescafe brown and creamy. Both are insanely delicious, I drink around three cups a day.

I have come to look at blogging as work and somehow keep on adding a lot of words to increase the word count. HAHAHA.

yea i like it when you.

2011-03-24T00:02:00.004+08:00

Wherever my sinoatrial node was during that time, I probably dropped it on the counter as I was sweeping the remains of what was once the thing I held most dear. The pearl of the deep suddenly turned faux, and i guess i'm allergic. The smell of your freshly pressed shirt is now the smelly, sweaty garment in the laundry bag, and it's time to take out the laundry for a good bleaching. The piano of my dreams is now the guitar in the corner of my room, singing to itself with a broken string. I do not loathe all the energy, it brings happiness, yet I do not miss basking in the sun and it doesn't matter as much anymore. I guess I like being busy.

Now, let's all move along. And even though I thought this day would never happen, I am slowly beginning to see it over the horizon as the numbers fall into place. I'm slowly loving math, and slowly getting over you.

We are not two peas in a pod. You maybe a pea or a pod, but i'm a carrot. So, what's up Doc?

Whichever works. :)

boozeless, still careless

2011-03-13T02:50:00.005+08:00

It's a Saturday night. I'm so sober it's depressing. It could have been a perfect night for a really good time out from everything. Well, I did have an awesome time with the roomates watching Rango and Red Riding Hood at the mall, which is a totally crack combination for a movie marathon. And yea, I have to get all three of them graduation gifts. I'm still racking my brains on what to give them.

My hair has grown too long. I'm comfy and all, but if I don't cut it I think i'm gonna see bald patches soon enough. Eh, hormonal imbalances. I'm on my way to looking for a new wardrobe. I can smell the summer sun from here, and all these stretch marks make me feel horrible about not being able to wear sleeveless for a perfect tan. I'm getting too white.

Speaking of skin color, my circadian rhythm is radically off the chart. Now you try and connect that. :) I am so bored. I know I should be reading about the sutures and foramina of the skull and all that, but i'm so lazy.

Find me a life. You know what to get me.
---
edit.

Finally got what I wanted, and well, i'm off to sleep at an acceptable hour. See how booze fixes my circadian rhythm? :)
---
edit

Okay, last night's booze did not fix my circadian rhythm. Still couldn't sleep. Need more.

the bitchslap

2011-03-06T23:35:00.006+08:00

How to make a Blog Post without sounding like a total bitch:

1.Omit all profanity.

Not saying Shut the **** up kind of omitting, but saying something like Close your piehole, *****. Okay, that wasn't even close. More like Keep your mouth closed, please. :) That's more appropriate.

2.Never EVER admit to doing anything that is not within the bounds of normalcy.

The party was so awesome, and I was so drunk I passed out last night. - To a more discreet The fun was had.

3.Don't be over-emotional.

He broke my heart, it hurts so bad and i'll never be able to patch it up again. He is such a lying a**h***! I wish he gets struck by lightning! - To something like I'll leave it to karma to make him suffer, after all, he did bring me pain.

4.Don't make people look bad.

She's a total whore. You seriously want to go out with her? You must be an sh*thead. -To a mere I do not approve of what you intend to do.

5.Don't blog at all.

If you do all of these, you won't be able to remember how you felt the way you did the day you wrote the blog post. If you made a blog so you could look at it in a few years and laugh at yourself for being such an idiot, don't follow the rules. Be a bitch, for your sake. Who did you make this blog for anyway?

----

Well, I didn't exactly pass out last night, not even close. Party was fun, but three cases of grande was not enough for us, there were 15 of us for crying out loud. The mixed drinks didn't help either. Of course we wanted to go out to have some more! But we were a little tired so, we called it a night/day.

---------------------#$(&@#*$ edit. Someone ELSE might read the blog. deleted paragraph. i'm screwed, oh well.

Didn't help my colds though, oh well. I'll be good this week.

I walked half the campus alone tonight, at around 9, listening to my newly downloaded album. I was happy with the breeze, the throbbing headphones in my ears, the almost pitch-black grounds of the SU campus, and the blank static feeling that there's nobody around. It is definitely something to be missed. I knew these paths only so well I could walk around with my eyes closed.

I want a dog, and I have offers. Pitbull or American Bulldog?

revolver

2011-02-27T23:46:00.006+08:00

Pretending to be oblivious seems to work at times. It was a great week, not enough to fall in love with the memory, but enough to top the last half year.

It's two in the morning, and I am suddenly gripped in a bug embrace, telling myself everything is all okay. I need to trample on my conscious thoughts, perhaps ease off a little. A sanguine disposition won't hurt a bit, unless everything turns out wrong. I have the night to contemplate.

I am terrfied.

I should get used to it by now, but i'm not. Who would? I could let my spirit dance in the shadows just a little longer, but that's not how I work. Immaturity at this point won't help. Immaturity in my life would not help me, there was no room for it, ever.

I envy people who get grounded for being reckless. I know I already have been, a long time ago, and truthfully, it hurts more than I can describe. Nobody needed to ground me. I knew the consequences.

Consequences - how much do I really know?
Throw me a lifeline, you're blocking out all the signs.

volvo vroom

2011-02-26T20:06:00.006+08:00

Dear blog,

Remember what I said about staying in bed half the day with a warm cup of coffee? (Read below) Well, that didn't happen. What I did today was even better. I stayed in bed the whole day with no cup of coffee in hand, just a Twilight book, Eclipse to be exact. Yes, I was THAT bored, and I also wanted to check how long I would read that, it's been some time since I last read something that didn't have to do with the spine, and motion of the body, or heat and warmth applications...So twilight IS a Physical Therapy book. I thought so..

Looks like it took me around 17 hours, with a 9-hour sleep from 5 this morning to 2 this afternoon, so 8 hours at least. I think that's good enough. Good enough to get me three new pimples. This seems really stupid but if I were to choose, me iz for team Jacob. Who resists warm abs and sexy forceful kisses from a shirtless hottie? Screw diamond-boy.

So I got up to have dinner, and now i'm back in bed. Yey. What a lazy Saturday. I need another dose of that Thursday night.

Now it's midnight and i'm curled up with breaking dawn. Good thing my roomie has the complete set. :)

And oyea, i've been killing myself over and over with this video over here. I mean, it is kinda funny, but he is seriously cute!!

cold night

2011-02-26T00:12:00.005+08:00

At sa araw na ito, ako ay gagawa ng tagalog na blog entry. Pagpasensyahan niyo na po itong post ko. Siomai, etong para sa iyo. May nag oo sa request ko. Hindi sa bagay na hinihingi ko, pero I can settle. :P

Tinamad akong umalis kaninang umaga, kaya nagkulong ako sa kwarto at nanood ng mga nakakatakot na penikula. Bumaba lang ako sandali para magpadeliver sa KRI nung tanghali, tapos balik ako sa panonood. Kaninang hapon naman ay niyaya ako ng pinsan ko na pumunta sa COSCA dahil pinapapunta siya ng isa naming guro. Pumunta kami ng Rob at nanood ng "ako si bilang apat".

------end of blog

Seriously, that took me 15 minutes. I am not doing that again. Well anyway, I had my share of the pie last night, and it wasn't that momentous of an occasion as I expected it to be. Neh, not for me. It's a Saturday tomorrow, and I guess i'll be spending half the day curled up in bed enjoying a warm cup of coffee like I am now. Hopefully there will be some form of excitement tomorrow.

First time I ate at Mandarin, the food's really good. I am number four was good too, it was a bit like Jumper and Heroes in a smoothie. :D

Well, you and this night have something in common, but maybe it's just the temperature.

repetition is catchy

2011-02-24T16:41:00.003+08:00

Forgotten was my cause, lost was my mentor, unleashed was my freedom, and is due to end the day, three after this.

Siomai, I promised I will make a tagalog entry... later.

-------- a day after...

So... later didn't happen. I went home at 3:30, and I wasn't really in a condition to write, which could mean me explaining the details of the night, which wouldn't be good for anybody's image, yeah? :)

I'm hungreh. I will update later. I promise... unless.

a) internet's disconnected
b) no power (which would also mean no internet)
c) some certain someones would text me telling me that there's definitely something going on somewhere and that someone should get the hell off of their beds, take a bath and run over, for happiness. :))

ownership (the lack thereof)

2011-02-23T20:28:00.005+08:00

At first I thought Imageshack deleted my header, only to find out that any picture uploaded with Imageshack doesn't work right now, so that saves me the effort of making a new header since I didn't save this one. I'll wait for it till' tomorrow, and if it still doesn't work, then I'll wait a day more. I'm too lazy to edit my page to the groove of a new color scheme as of the moment. I'm thinking sky blue, or electric blue, because my heart has been blue these past few days. smh, the drama.

Well, it's a rest day, because I wasn't feeling well enough to take any exam today, which also means i'm taking two exams tomorrow, which makes me wish my brain was a vacuum, and it isn't.

It was a pretty uneventful day, except for the fact that I saw two of my mini-crushes, which isn't really a big deal. I really have to start reading about the hypothalamus. There are so many tracts I feel like i'm taking the spinal cord exam all over again.

It's February, and it's a birthday sex streak. 23 is Febra's, 24 is Peter's, 25 is Paul's, 26 is Garry's. Now, off to dunkin!

--- back from dunkin. and after a looooong talk with siomai (on the phone)...

May nabasa ako, and i'm like deyyyyuuuuum.

Oh well, the system's a total bitch if what i'm thinking happens, but i'm part of it so... I'm in no condition to complain. I was first, and yes, the system IS a total bitch. If ever a grand burglary happens, I was the first thief, and I will always be the lucky thief between us, and we all know it. But does that matter? No. It's a lose-lose situation for us both. We always have to go by the rules, except of course if you take the system to heart, and I don't. But maybe you do. Be happy. Jollibee.

Dibs! *points*
Mine.

Hey look my header's back! Hello, header! :D

Nil and I

2011-02-22T00:53:00.004+08:00

Blogging at 12:52am makes me officially break my daily blogging. Oh well, no worries. Just came home from Jollibee North Road with Bianca, because we're so diligent we were studying out. I didn't know the thalamus had a shorter coverage compared to the hypothalamus, despite their size difference.

I had the craziest dream this morning, sometime between 8am and 10am. Too morbid to be discussed in detail. Soreh. Well anyway, i've just downloaded Macy Gray's new album - The Sellout. I've been on a pretty impressive Macy Gray streak today, having to walk across campus twice. And that, ladies and gentlemen, officially cures my Toploader LSS.

I had a Chantilly milkshake today, and yeah, it was really good, just like my cousin Josh said. All I ever got to drink there so far was the Chocolate milkshake, and coffee (of course). All that heavenly stomach-filling goodness with sensible conversation with my roomie about discernment, understanding, and what we really want in life (in short, a LOT of boytalk), makes my day pretty much complete.

I was also planning to play with the beloved dawgs today, but Dalo had class, so that would have to wait. But I got to call Logan from a distance though, and he stood up and looked at me with those puppy dog eyes. He still remembers my call! Such a cutie! I really should get a dog.

I officially have ten more pages of hypothalamic connections to memorize, and I am too lazy to do that, so hello Facebook.

I like to walk around
.
We always rock around
We gonna rock around
I was so happy with the love I found.
I went to the library, and I saw him.
Say oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I want THAT man. :))

big hair

2011-02-20T19:42:00.004+08:00

It's the day I finally got to meet Yogi bear and Boo Boo, Live costumes, from a distance. Oh well. Life sucks.

Well, unless i'm mistaken, today's a Sunday, and everyone sleeps in till' noon on Sundays. I woke up, ate some breakfast/lunch, and went back to sleep. It's a nice feeling. I woke up the second time at around two, then went online, because wifi makes everyone lazy. ^_^

Bianca arrived at around 3:30, and that's the end of my single-bed-paradise. I went back to the top of the bunk, but it's awesome, i kind of missed it. NOT. :))Well anyway, i'm glad the roomie's back. I gave her the "dancing in the moonlight" syndrome, and it's just awesome how we break together in song every once in a while.

4p.m. was church time for me and Daphne, and it was a Rob trip after that. I got my first Zagu in half a year, and we got lost in our own little fantasy worlds in Book Sale, and ended up buying nothing because of upcoming exams, and the fact that academic books were a priority, but if we got ourselves suspense novels, that could change.

Oh, I forgot to state: Daphne and Bianca now have twitter accounts! That's just too cool. You can follow me at the link to the right, or here. It's a little private though so i'd need to confirm pending follower requests. ;)

2p.m. tomorrow: auditory and vestibular system exam, I have no idea what their issues are, and i'm still online. Procrastination ftw. Yey me!

And I forgot to buy juice. smh.

suburban skies

2011-02-19T22:58:00.004+08:00

Photoshoot didn't happen, the weather's a bitch. So anyway, I had a long talk with Garry and Jo today over at Scooby's just across the street. Petty stuff, serious stuff, and everything else, name it, we got it covered. We decided to walk Garry to the dorm, but stopped at AH to get a couple of cappuccinos from a vendo because i'm such a newbie to the whole vendo-in-AH-craze, and it's awesome how I see coffee machines everywhere nowadays! Why do they do that now that I'm not enrolled, aside from the fact that I never go inside the main campus anymore? Big mistake, SU, big mistake.

After lugging my gear a whole campus long, I end up making my way overdue visit to Molave, chatting with Dalo and playing with Logan, Pretty, and 6 cute little pitbull puppies! (Those darling dogs made my day, like they always do.) At 6 Dalo was tricking the pups into exercising with food as bait (and it's cruel!), so I headed home because I was a bit tired, but mainly because I reeked of dog saliva and might get mistaken for a human-morphed canine.

Walking across the campus a second time wasn't so bad at night; that used to be one of my favorite hobbies, walking around the school at night, listening to my iPod and walking to the beat of the LSS song for the week, and yes, I was walking to dancing in the moonlight. I'm not quite over that song yet, but believe me it made the camera weight a lot more bearable. Walking keeps me sane, especially with all the big trees all around. Geez, I guess I was always in love with the scenery, makes me feel like i'm in some 1950's movie, with the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. None of the latter today though, as I said, weather's a bitch. :)

Roomies are out for the night, off to the grand ball (with their princes). Sucks to be the only single junior in a room of taken seniors (bitter. haha), but heads, i'd save myself reality for later. :) I watched Howl's Moving Castle instead, and it's a really good cartoon, with graphics which was more in line with Cedie than anime art. I kind of appreciate those kind more. The plot was more of witches and wizards, and true love. *sigh* Shutting up.

That was too cheesy for comfort. I better stop before I start talking about a certain someone, like I almost always do. Oh look, Schindler's list at 98%! Later then. :)

synarthroses, diarthroses, amphiarthroses

2011-02-18T21:22:00.004+08:00

I thought about doing something so wrong today. It started with a friend on FB, then I did what I thought i'd never do my entire life, in around 5 lifetimes. I actually made a move for a lost cause, or so I'd call it. It took a good long talk with a friend on the phone for me to rethink, not that i'm not gonna do it though. Not this soon, i guess. Aside from another friend eliminating the resource for the cause itself. So unsupportive naman my friends, but i'm glad I have them. Despite that though, i'm still for my thwarted effort of a supposedly lost hope. I'll leave you clinging to that thought.

And no, i'm not talking about suicide. Ew.

Well, photoshoot tomorrow, de-stress me. :)

I need a beer. Make that three. But it turns out i'm too much of a chicken to buy a six-pack at the nearest Sted's. So now i'm sating my sanity with a cornetto, a bag of Lay's,a lot of water (to neutralize the high sodium content), and a good dose of "Dancing in the moonlight".

I could dance to this without having to be drunk.

Well, this is the video that i actually could embed here, so I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

i hope it rains tomorrow

2011-02-17T21:23:00.003+08:00

I have been pretty consistent with blogging for the past three days, and it doesn't feel so bad. The neuro basis of language exam wasn't so hard, and it gave me time to date myself at Bo's for an hour or two, pouring over the topic for the 8am exam tomorrow. Meh.

Called the doctor today. She says there's nothing to worry about. Well, that's not stopping me. I hate this trend. I really will have to go home soon. My right inguinal area isn't feeling so good right now. I wish there were concrete signs to this. Pf, i'm good.

I had dinner with former roomie ate RinRin, who happened to be in town for the next three months, and she's as awesome as ever. In fact, i'm sleeping over at her room tomorrow, it's just across the hall after all, for old times sake.

I'm supposed to read another 17 pages of my physiology book, but the lazybug kind of bit me. So much for diligence, which is what i'm supposed to avoid anyway, so i'm cool with that.

The mosquito population in the room is getting crazy. I killed at least two of them in the last half hour. I guess they like air conditioned atmospheres as much as people do. Oh well.

Post-valentine shoot fast approaching, and I hate how I forgot to buy a 50mm F1.8 lens this week, so even if I bid tomorrow it won't be delivered in time. I wish there was a camera/accessories store here. I've been saving my allowance for it and I totally forgot to visit ebay for that. Oh well.

I miss Logan, the pitbull from the Narra cottage. I really should drop by there sometime.

breather

2011-02-16T20:48:00.002+08:00

Almost the weekend! All I have to do is understand the neuroanatomical basis of language and the physiology of the respiratory system, all before Friday night. Then I can join the rhythm of the night! I'm planning to study out in an hour or so, and I am not going back to qysko.

Booze aside, i'm also looking forward to another shoot with my former classmates this saturday, and i'm hoping for a sunny day so the reflector can be of good use, unlike last time. :/

Teka, look at my life, all black. :))

mac and cheesy

2011-02-16T00:38:00.003+08:00

The connection in qysko is just awesome. Too awesome, in fact, that i have the nerve to create a blogpost with my iPod, and mind you, this is not an iPad. So yeah, trying to study with this connection just isn't happening. Leaving home at midnight isn't a good idea either, but it beats doing nothing but talk to my roomates about stuff that has nothing to do with the optic tract synapsing with the thalamus, which connects to the visual cortex through the lateral geniculate ganglion to form the geniculocalcarine tract a.k.a the optic radiation, which finally connects to the occipital lobe; Brodmann area 17 to be exact. Well, B's 18 and 19 too..

Another optic tract connection: midbrain superior colliculus, which forms the tectopontine tract en route to the pons and cerebellum, and the tectospinal tract, to the major SC, for visual response movement. I have so much more to read. Meh.

So, yeah, after all the partying, here I am saying hello to neuroanatomy. I kind of missed this subject.

And I kind of miss you too.

Cheesy.

just another hearty post

2011-02-14T01:15:00.003+08:00

It's the day of happy hearts!

Whether a valentine date is part of the day or not, it's all cool. It's a day to contemplate and celebrate love, and it doesn't matter if it's mutual or not. That special someone doesn't have to love you back. As for me, loving that someone is such a good feeling, thinking about him brings a smile to my face even though I know the love I give cannot be reciprocated. These feelings I have, I suppose can stay a little while longer, or so I say for the last X years.

I'm not the most optimistic person, so my glass is half empty, but I consider it half empty with tequila, so I already probably drank the other half, and now i'm intoxicated enough to think that my half-empty glass is more than enough to get me through the next few years. :)

Being single is a gift, being in a couple is also a gift. Whatever situation i'm in, it's a gift for me. I know there's a purpose somewhere. And I love gifts.

My heart is happy, because i'm in love.
And regrets have I none.
Tis a happy valentines.

Have a great day everyone! Loveful or loveless. :D

out-going

2011-02-12T20:56:00.006+08:00

Letting go of all the frustrations never felt so good. I guess I should go back to doing this more often.

Labli, Zoeh, Auds, Vinz, Javez, Anth, Ben, Drei, Louise, Jed, and whoever else was there last night to party in the club... I had fun you guys, more drinks and dancing for us! I'm sooo ready.

After the noise died down, the booze neutralized, and the cigar smoke fog lifted, I settled down to a nice quiet Saturday afternoon with Jo and Louise on a fun model shoot. It was comfy working with classmates, but we still wished art director Garry was there. So he will be, next week, at our SU hall shoot. I'm really looking forward to it. :)

Will be posting pictures of the candlelighting soon on FB.. plus the shoot pictures in my personal site. Busy busy busy.
[edit: now online at tinmari.com]

I love Dumaguete!

acacia

2011-02-07T17:37:00.006+08:00

It's only Monday and I already got to meet everyone I wanted to meet. :)

I'm currently trying to read and understand the knee, the respiratory system, and whatever else I need to. Thing is, I don't.

meh.

Ah, Valentines...

Is nothing but space static from plasma screens, the ones we keep switched on all through the night when we sleep. So fine, no one figures what that is just quite yet. So is this month, just a moth at the back of my head as of the moment. Not my year for this holiday. I'm definitely going out with the single ladies, for even though it's not my year I still wouldn't want to be alone in a crowded room after all. Maybe next year i'll find someone, or the year after that. But then, i'm in no rush. ;)

On a bitter note, it's kind of hard finding a real man for you when you're the kind of girl who won't really last long enough to be able to "grow old with" someone. (I mean, who in the right mind..?) I'd be perfect for a series of flings, but as much as I hate to say it, that's not how I roll.

Maybe it's your year though, and even though I won't get to be a part of that, good luck anyway. :)

tumaraw

2011-02-02T16:52:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving for Manila tomorrow, then Dumaguete the next, and i'm kind of excited to see my roomies, people friends, dog friends, tree friends, friends friends, and everything else again.

And I will be spending tonight with the LSF, after months of promising to show myself "soon", i'll be there this time.

Oh well, back to the excitement. I'd really like to do a photoshoot with some people but i'm not sure if I can fit the camera into the bag.. i'll try tho... and the reflector is another problem. A suitcase wouldn't be a bad idea after all.

I'll update a little more later.

Btw, the water. IT'S FREEZING.

lesdanz

2011-01-26T21:28:00.008+08:00

I have a lot to do before February starts and I fly off to Manila and Dumaguete, and i'm going crazy thinking about those things, with only one chore down and a hundred and one more to go.

Ah, the land of sunny afternoons and acacia trees. I get thrilled just thinking about it. A personal thought high. (angels sing here)

Because i'm considered part of the whirlpool of people who pretend they're busy, i therefore spend my night watching gorillaz videos, esp. the ones with dances, e.g. DARE.

Yes.

it's DARE. UH.

P.S.
This is the first time i post any form of graphic media in my blog. Hello to firsts.

well anyway, here's another first: i'll be doing a tumblr 10 day challenge... but i'll do it.... wait for it....

in this single blog post. legen! Forgive me, i've just been recently added to the countless number of Barney Stinson fans, because i'm bored to death. Well anyway, here's how it starts:

Day 1. 10 things you want to say to 10 different people

Person a: I'm really sorry for all the trouble.
Person b: Hello crush. don't tell me you don't know.
Person c: I miss you, and i hope we can eat a good pizza with a cup of coffee again sometime.
Person d: jelly belly. you know who you are.
Person e: I reaaally don't want to see you when i visit. please, stay away.
Person f: I noticed, you wear perfume now. Ha ha. conformist.
Person g: Someone told me, it made me go "awwwww."
Person h: Butter cookies. okay. this food-person-mind-relation is really weird.
Person i: Happy birthday ate nina!! :D well, it's over so I can post it now.
Person j: When will you take these chemo drugs off? my hair is getting really thin. Are you waiting for it to all fall off?

2. 9 things about yourself

a: i'm still not over the whole sudden cut-off of the Kyle XY series incident
b: i'm a fan of art, yet i can never call myself an artist
c: i love music, though my type does not appeal to a lot of people
d: i can be a workaholic when something is required
e: i love animals, even though they bite, in which case i have been bitten four times. I still love them.
f: i have a great tendency to overthink
g: you will not see me wear a skirt. a dress, maybe, but a skirt + top combo: NO.
h: i am not the kind of girl who needs a romantic relationship with someone to survive.
i: i sing, i drink, i read, i hate, i love. I'm perfectly normal but unique, just like everyone else. :)

3. 8 ways to win your heart

a: smell good
b: appreciate
c: be sarcastic
d: smile. but not too much, it's freaky
e: little pleasant surprises. nothing fancy. that stresses me out
f: be supportive
g: listen. every girl would like that.
h: enjoy a cup of coffee with me in silence

4. 7 things that cross your mind a lot

a: my future
b: friends and how they're doing
c: my health
d: listening to new(ly discovered) music
e: studies
f: making a new piece of art
g: what to wear ;)

5. 6 things you wish you'd never done

a: screamed at someone sometime 2003
b: ran across the floor sometime 2004
c: setting standards but...
d: falling in love with the person who was far from them and...
e: slowly learning that the person could never love me back.
f: regretting anything.

6. 5 people who mean a lot (outside family, because if not, family would fill everything up, and not in particular order)

a: zoe
b: jean
c: dave
d: nicky
e: paz

7. 4 turn offs

a: hip-hop attire. i'm really sorry :))
b: shallow thinking
c: egocentrism
d: narcissism

8. 3 turn ons

a: chivalry (not dead!)
b: compatible music genre
c: good english

9. 2 smileys that describe your life right now

a: :/
b: :)

10. One confession

- i didn't take a bath today. :)

what-ern

2011-01-14T16:11:00.002+08:00

Isolation is NOT driving me crazy, and that's new. I can officially say "Hello, i'm a homebuddy." meh.

too busy to update blog with a good story due to *insert busy icon here*. bear with short sentences. meh.

platelet's at 204, but my joints are painful and outta here. I hear a lot of cracking in the morning.meh.

i'm constantly sniffing camphor so I won't feel like vomiting all over the place. meh.

pimples are everywhere. overproduction of oil: check. the drug's working all right. meh.

my new overused word: meh. i have no idea what that is, but meh. Maybe it's the tagalog slang version of the bisaya "ehhh", or something like "watern". but who cares? meh.

syen

2011-01-09T17:50:00.002+08:00

Hello 100th blog post (counting the hidden ones). What's so special about 100 anyway? Well anyway...

Manila for a week and i'm itching for the smell of fresh air. I guess I just can't live there. Mom's out of the country, and well, another year of being mom-less for me. Spent an afternoon with tibel and siomai (and papa, we need a financer after all) and watched gulliver's travels and the tourist. And ate pizza. :D happy us, happy tummies!

It's another month of bumming around in the house, and I must admit, I have gotten too lazy to go out. Somehow I don't see the purpose of going out when all I get to do is watch. Okay, I reaally have to stop complaining about the gym self-ban. Why did I even choose this sport?

"Still waiting for normal body parts to arrive."

- Princess Mia, Princess Diaries

Oh well, someday i'll wake up and see the world from a different point of view again. But not yet. :)

Ehehenywaaaay. I'm cooking soup, join me.

isaw

2010-12-31T21:03:00.005+08:00

Happy new year everyone!

It's been a blast. I promise myself 2011 will be a bigger blast. I'm starting the year with the knowledge that my platelet is at long last within normal range. (and the crowd goes wild...) hope it stays that way for the rest of my life so I can go back to rock climbing to reshape myself ASAP.

I am seriously in the mood for fried isaw with vinegar, the kind located outside ADFC, outside LNU, outside LVD, outside Sto. Niño church, yes, i'm a big fan and i know the vending spots, well, at least before I left the city.

A lot has happened this year, a lot of good, and a lot of stuff that i'd rather not talk about. The year was awesome, nevertheless.

so, here's 2010 in a box:

firsts:
- first time i took summer classes
- first taste of tanduay (and hated it straight but loved it mixed)
- first time i got stranded on an island (almost)
- first time i had 500mg of steroid in my system in a day
- first time i went home (to the hotel) at 4am (and i didn't even drink)
- first time i spent my birthday in Dumaguete
- first time i drank 5 cups of coffee in one sitting
- first time i had an extra piercing (may plano dumugang)
- first time i had to wear a mask to school everyday in the last 10 years
- first time i stayed home for at least 6 days straight
- first time my platelet went down to 2
- first time i was able to make someone photocopy a whole lot of stuff (for the whole class, each subject, everyday). yeah.
- first time i didn't see my mom for a whole year
- first time i was pressured by my parents to "not study"

not-so-firsts:
- roses from special people
- had fun with friends
- had fun with other friends
- drinks and hangovers
- realizations
- sarcastic comebacks
- a lot of new friends
- was amazed at how friends reach out and care for me when i need it most
- drug-induced anxiety case
- drug-induced depression phase
- drug-induced mania phase
- drug-induced euphoric phase

2011 will be awesome-er for me, I hope it would be for you too. :D

no.

2010-12-26T13:10:00.003+08:00

No ma, I don't want to go out. I don't want to see people. I don't want to reach out anymore. I don't want to hear stuff, I don't want to see stuff.

After a lot of invitations, she agrees.

It's my stubborn self-punishment for not being able to do the things I want, and since i'm undeniably spoiled, here I am and this is it.

This must be denial, still.

Oh, holidays.

statements.

2010-12-23T00:18:00.006+08:00

When I was doing everything for everyone, I got stoned to death. (napakahero liwat)
Recently I have been doing nothing for no one, and I achieve progress. (lazy bum)

Absorb thyself in thine own love for self. No, too narcissistic. Balance then, the importance of self and others. I guess that's the lesson this time. And patience, definitely patience. And the knowledge that they will love you unconditionally. And that everyone goes through bumps. But...

it's a season of truth, and I have never dared to let go of this specific statement, lest I render myself not thankful. i'm sorry.. But at some point I have to let it slip. So, here it goes..

maupay pa hira.

nareklamo pa, diri nala ako makuntento ano?
Merry Christmas, self.

------
Maybe my troubles will be gone, oh Christmas lights, keep shining on.

8 days

2010-12-17T18:36:00.004+08:00

It's almost Christmas...

and something is definitely wrong with my gums. Eating has become a chore, and drinking cold water (or anything cold) makes me want to punch the walls because it hurts so much, but since that would lead to me having bruises, i just tear up and cry. Well, I guess I won't be packing pounds this season... I have too much right now anyway. haha.

Oh, optimism.. On the bright side, gifts have started to come in, and I am very thankful, these are more than enough. :)

The outside world has never seemed so boring before... maybe that thought was created because climbing isn't an option anymore. The gym is my second home, and given that all I can do there now is just sit and stare, well... that's not exactly my idea of fun.

Hello, homebuddy life, I could get used to you. NOT.

nice taste.

2010-12-04T23:15:00.003+08:00

car radio: (plays just jack's Disco Friends from the ipod) "She's got a whole lot of disco..."

kuya jesson: (presses forward to skip to the next song)

mama: (singing) "...friends"

me: (thinking) my mom is awesome. she knows this not-popular-in-the-philippines Brit artist, and it's a techno song.

This week has been okay so far. I found a new doctor, one of the few that doesn't want surgery. So... she's not putting me on the usual drug... So I guess no more paranoia and depression for me. But now with this new drug i'm about to grow a beard. Yey me! o.O

We went to tito Douglas' place yesterday with siomai and tibel to visit my 98 year-old lola, then watched Narnia at gateway (in 3d! yes I just typed 3d! hahaha). We drove through Burger King, took out burgers and supersized iced teas and pigged out all the way to Antipolo. After the visit we sang highschool-years-cantata-songs all the way down to Manila. Oh, old times. :)

Yeah, this was a good week.

cat shelter

2010-12-04T10:52:00.007+08:00

Last night was a little too boring so I decided to browse through old entries, to bring back memories - that sort of crap. Somehow I got stuck when I reached my old hidden cove of thought, especially the one entitled "all out", written/blogged last December.

sa makasabot lang. ;)

the auditory curse

2010-11-26T14:14:00.006+08:00

"This is a gift
It comes with a price;
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight,
And turns me to gold in the sunlight."

"Between two lungs it was released,
The breath that passed from you to me;
That flew between us as we slept,
Slipped from your mouth into mine it crept"

"Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But you'll never know what a fool i've been
Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But that's no excuse for the state i'm in"

Florence + The Machine hangover. It's been a while, this sweet nostalgia that sends a gentle prickle down the back of my neck.

Winning line: "You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl."

Yes naman. Rawr.
Up next on the playlist: La Roux.

unknown stressor

2010-11-13T19:28:00.003+08:00

I definitely need someone to talk to.

Hello blog, i'm depressed. I spent the last x hours bawling over stuff, and when dad came in with the result, wtf, more reasons to cry. How could I not have seen it? It was in my face all along. I should have known about this, there were signs. I guess I was in denial (as I still am), that my platelet will stay like this. Tapering = lower platelet, and at the rate this is going, 0mg steroid = 60k platelet if stable. Not good. Petichae now forming at 80k count for no reason (stress, yes i know i'm super stressed. but WTF is stressing me out?), and i'm on 20mg starting today. Relapse again? No idea. Doctor told me she has another chronic case, and the platelet is like this. "But she's doing okay", she assures. Well, it's not okay, not now anyway. I will still have to accept the fact that a 60 count is not a "climbable" count. So here's the turning point to my climbing life, that is, if I can resist temptation.

Oh well, at least I can still go out in the sun.

Is it time to trade the rock shoes for lens? Abangan.

Extraterrestrial

2010-11-11T16:56:00.005+08:00

Nothing beats a quiet afternoon than Katy Perry blasting in the background while I enjoy my cup of coffee in the porch, with the wind in my face and me facing the laptop.

My vision has been getting kind of blurred lately, and i'm hoping it's not the subcapsular cataracts the doctor told me about. Apparently, repetitive and prolonged use of steroids causes cataracts (prolonged = 1 month, and i'm on it for 3 months already). Oh well, lucky me. Aside from the hip pains which started around a month ago, now I have eye problems. And back problems, and acne problems, and stretch marks, and will have liver problems in the future... a complete package aside from the depression, psychosis and tremors while on steroids. But really, where will ranting take me? Nowhere, very good.

I'm gonna see my mom this Monday, and I'm really looking forward to it. Haven't seen her in a year, and it's been the toughest year ever..

Now I'm gonna cross my fingers and hope my platelets will be enough for me to travel safely, (and taper the meds while we're at it). :)

my slice of hope, overcooked.

2010-11-05T12:06:00.004+08:00

Boo, platelets.

Now I don't know what to think about, except that i'm gonna be worrying about you a whole lot longer than I'm supposed to. Oh well. What to do, what to do while i'm stuck here. I don't think i'm supposed to move around. (sit still mode) for at least a week or so? or three? or four? or maybe for a year?

Tapering steroids tomorrow. count is 91.

platelet count limit for tapering = 50.
so i can be off steroids with 50??

how can I rock climb if my norm is 50?

Are you kidding me?

All Saints Day

2010-11-01T17:10:00.002+08:00

I'm planning to go on photoshoots when I'm all better, so while i'm still under "the influence" (something i'd like to call my sit since it sounds better than drugged) i'm composing costumes, props, concepts, whatever else I might need when I get a model *because I badly need people pictures for my portfolio*. I'm also planning to model on one shoot, but only to selected (reaaaaallllly selected) people *this will happen before i go abroad i guess, if i'm gutsy enough, just for the sake of dressing up*.

Mom's arriving on the 15th, *so excited* so papa and I will be going to Cebu to fetch her. We're probably gonna stay there for two days or so, and i'll be on 30mg that time, hopefully the platelets can keep up with the tapering.

When it all comes down to it, I love how I don't have anything problematic to think about (but my health, and that's nothing new, so wth).

action points

2010-10-28T11:15:00.002+08:00

Online portfolio setup: success! special thanks to jonas apurillo.

Design: temporary while final design is being finalized and finalized again and again.

Content: need more people pictures! how can i attract human clients when all the pictures i have are of flowers and still life eh? Will need to tap the modelling prowesses of the oh-so-fashionista Dumaguete classmates when I go there.

In the meantime plan:

take more pictures to add to the bare portfolio.
learn to drive, and not crash kay sayang platelet.
take my medicine everyday.
cook/clean house (yaya mode)

be stress-free. <3

lumbricals

2010-10-23T11:29:00.003+08:00

Aside from the mixed feelings of OSY-ness for the next half year (again), i don't really know how to deal with the fact that i'm not going to school again till summer.

Geez, I feel like such an abnormal person. While everyone else i know goes through college life in four or five years, i'm stuck here, and what sucks even more is that it's never my choice to stop schooling. Gawd, i'd kill to finish college already, almost everyone's done.

Okay, so Christmas is coming up in two months, Gawd i'm hoping and praying my doctor will taper off steroids then.

Platelets, please cooperate. Doctor, please cooperate gihap, kay if not, magtataper ako bahala ka.

Christmas = pictures. I want to look normal this Christmas plox. Like, PLEASE. I know there's a purpose for this, i just don't know what it is yet. I'll find out, sooner or later.

My lumbricals lock from time to time when i play the guitar. Predisposed to rheumatoid arthritis much? Or median nerve problems? o.O

some people just can't get enough love

2010-10-07T22:16:00.003+08:00

I am so blessed.

I can take my exams after treatment. the professors told me it's okay, that they're gonna wait till after i'm okay so i can take all the tests i missed. They're not even going to give INC unless the university forces them to.

My mind can rest now, it's been wanting to do that for quite some time i guess, and after all the sleepless nights, i suddenly feel super drowsy. Ah, bliss.

Sorry, brain, I overworked you and forced you. I got so frustrated that I couldn't retain information anymore, I start bleeding after exams. Please forgive me and my pride, i'm letting go of the grade issues, i can't set any goals for now.

Tacloban, see you soon.

:)

week's load

2010-09-09T21:12:00.004+08:00

It's nice having friends who don't care being seen with you even if you wear a mask everywhere you go.

:)
------------

I just noticed, I easily tire nowadays.

My prof told me my skin color's yellow.
Argh. Too much indoor time.

It's definitely time to get a tan, but I can't!

T_T
------------

goal = 3.25

grade = 3.0 ana and 3.2 neuro
other grades = no idea

di pa tingali kaabot.
and that stupid tuesday quiz just gave me a heart attack.
half sem pa, maningkamot ta!

:}
------------

lastly, it's nice to be the (supposedly ex) president, and your profs tell you to text everybody announcements.

you get free load, 100 pagud. :))

rak on! :P

afternoon tea

2010-08-30T17:06:00.005+08:00

Part 1.

I'm actually enjoying the quiet afternoons sipping tea and reading books.
Can't go out much these days, too dangerous.
See, the tea isn't that bitter, it's quite.. okay.
These moments let me think a lot about what i have been missing in life.

only so much, i think. not. lol.
----------

Part 2.

I have 5 more midterms exams to catch up to, aside from the usual quizzes next week, so that makes it 8. and I promise to finish everything within the week.
Yes, that honor roll may seem a little far out with all my missed classes, but i'm still hopeful.
Mom's not expecting much anymore, but i'd like to see her a little happier, so hopefully, yes. Kayod kita tin.
----------

Part 3.

I have a new niece, and i am overly enthusiastic about the whole baby issue thing..
so is everyone else in florida. I can't wait meet her through skype. :)

I talked to my mom last night through skype, exchanged text messages my dad, and FB'd with my sister.
Yeah, so we're continents apart, and this is normal.
My family's so awesome. :D
----------

Part 4.

I'm not going home this October for sembreak, I have to go back to the doctor every weekend or week or so, because I strongly believe that I will be getting better in the months to come, and I wouldn't have to depend on all these medicines in the long run. And I will live. Watch out. muhaha.

I'm going to cebu for a while though, will watch that competition. yeah!
will look for a way to not carry a bag. lol tipid platelet.
----------

Part 5.

Lablayp. Ahh!!
so... there's this new guy.
watch out. :D
----------

Part 6.

ah life, i wouldn't trade mine for anybody else's in the whole world.
i'm perfectly happy.

:D

heart in hand. heart in book. plox.

2010-08-25T23:19:00.005+08:00

my roomies are all out spending quality time with their boyfriends.
i can feel the love in founder's days! yey!

and love seems so distant, aside from the fact that i have no boyfriend anyway.
and i don't really mind, too busy. c:

ah, only too busy for the love of neuroanatomy midterms tomorrow morning.
ahay PT, why do you have to be so KJ? everybody's supposed to be having fun!
well, the fun's not for us.

edit this!
thursday afternoon, and i had a nice time talking over a cup of chocolate and donuts. with the new guy. on the list. nao. yosh.

hopeful rant

2010-08-23T20:11:00.003+08:00

no, i don't want a new this, a new that.
you're offering too much, this isn't normal.

you try so hard to spoil me, tell me to take it easy and not care about my studies right now, but i'm trying hard to pass (and top *sigh*) my subjects because i know i'm gonna live through this, don't doubt me. i'm faithful enough. i don't want any regrets later, because there IS a later.

i know it's a dangerous situation, and i know there isn't much hope, i know you feel guilty about not being here for me, but still.

don't tell me to shift.
don't tell me to just live a "full and meaningful" life.

because for me, i AM living a full and meaningful life when i am making you happy.

thank you.

.

2010-08-21T00:58:00.004+08:00

Dear Love,

it has been an awesome life.
i have taken more than what's due me.
i have been enough emotional burden
i have been. enough.

please take me home, i'm tired.
nothing has been more true.
no more guilt please.

Sincerely,
x

trivial

2010-08-15T20:56:00.004+08:00

fact number 1:

i would love to hear someone tell me that it's okay to feel tired, but it's just too funny to hear your friends discuss and argue over something like where to buy jackets to hide the bruises on my arms. i feel so blessed. :)

fact number 2:

let's not forget the one who gives you a pillbox and labels them morning noon and night, so you won't forget when to take the twenty something pills you have to everyday to keep you there.

fact number 3:

nothing means more than just my dad and I, in this cold August night, just chilling out in the hotel room (which is actually room 203, just next door to where I stay, so no biggie) eating soup, salad, bread, and hotdogs on a stick.

simple things mean the most sometimes, and it's kinda nice to learn how to appreciate every once in a while, like only so many forget.

hanging over a crack in the surface

2010-08-01T19:26:00.004+08:00

FB's uploading server seems to be out of order, twitter's down, I have no business at DA, and I don't really care about all the other sites as of this moment. So i'm here, and I can't believe this has come to be my last resort. I have concluded that I don't really want to think about anything, write anything, or blog about anything, and that is the reason why I blog this. I want to know why. I'm trying to stop myself from doing something, and it's taking it's toll on everything. I don't know what that something is yet. I shall find out soon.

I have a ton of readings to do, and no, i haven't started on anything. I spent my weekend in the beach having the IPR and stress management activities, at nica's house devouring the lechon and five bottles of vodka, and finally in my room today, lying around, puking every now and then, being the hung over jerk I promised myself i'd be once in a while.

Yes, I would have preferred a day out in the rocks of Marabut with old friends, climbing and swimming the day away. But then, this is new, and different. It's nice to be in a different crowd sometimes. It lets me know who and what I am, and keep my perspectives in check. :) Hanging out with the same people everyday makes me lose my touch, and I feel that personalities go stale after sometime. Being somewhere else allows me to develop what has been, and lets me redirect paths to what should be.

This was truly a break, a break i have been waiting for. But alas, it has come to an end, and I would have to pick up a book in a few minutes or so.

ay, ngapala, there's this guy.

and there it goes.

2010-07-21T11:29:00.003+08:00

Seriously Justine? We watch DA, then we can't help but think about the "what if"'s in life. Yet we pursue the life of what's not. Oh dear, what have we gotten ourselves into? Let's just drop the subject can we not? You have made your decision. You have made their decision, rather.

You knew you were going to think about this sooner or later. You did, and you thought it would always be a little later. A little more, please.

I desperately need a sodium block, so calcium will not be released from the SR to produce action potentials and myosin-actin cross bridges will not be formed, and ventricles will not be stimulated to contract. And i will be free from this madness called physiology.

anyone?

2010-07-11T23:39:00.004+08:00

According to the book, cryotherapy [or cold therapy] is used to lessen severity of delayed-onset muscle soreness, [p. 142, Physical Agents in Rehabilitation. Cameron, M.H., 2nd ed.]which only affects skeletal muscles and the tissue around it. Pero cardiac lagi?

So uh.

Anyone got ice? sa kasabot lang.

now opening: people

2010-07-09T22:14:00.003+08:00

Now accepting orders for slicing people up. I can't believe i was scared of using the scalpel. First try: major fun. I just might consider taking up killing/skinning for a course. ;) I absolutely cannot wait for next week's episode.

I have a lot of readings and assignments enough to fill two weeks ahead. Plus I have no idea how the neuroana teacher's mind works. This just might be the death of me.

plus awkward moments.

Tuyo man nagsumat hi sir nga it usa nga sir namamakiana kun may uyab ko. Karagngaran pagud. Baga liwat hin damo it maestro. Upat man la. Usa la pagud it lalake nga waray asawa. Prof ko pagud hiya once a week. Magpapakawallflower much.

All that, and my friend, who happens to be an event organizer, wants me in Valencia this Friday for a 25th wedding anniversary shoot. with pay. good enough pay... aside from a whole lot of other events he's hosting. It's nice knowing an influential person who has you as his only friend who's interested in photography, you get sources for the camera accessories fund. ;)

agenda complete: extra battery and vertical grip.
next agenda: SB600.

Lord, you have blessed me with problems and perks. Best life ever. :D

carry on.

2010-07-04T11:34:00.002+08:00

The week flies by only so fast. It has been a routine of class, study, sleep, repeat. Trying to incorporate the big Y into my usual search for STUDs isn't as easy as we'd preferably have it be. Oh but of course. This blog is in an utmost disorderly fashion; for i fear that the disorder might fuse with the important study factor if i keep it written within the lines of the notebooks.

I have no time for boys, I barely have time for myself; so YOU, go away. Don't give me any problems. .!. Toss them all in the garbage, and for sure they will be collected, STAT.

obturator foramen

2010-06-25T13:14:00.004+08:00

first three weeks of school officially over after the exam this afternoon.. we're having an exam on the whole human skeleton and it's specific parts next week. exciting, very much. i can't wait. :) last week i was mistaken for a freshie med student, by a higher year med student guy.

;) I'm proceeding, it's final. muhaha

i've been eating only salad for dinner in the past 6 days, and getting used to it. healthy living much? not really. ;)I just find the salad bar really convenient.

We just might be the only people taking an exam and having illegal lectures this 30th. i know we're not part of the inauguration but.. well, it's a holiday is it not? i'm not one for ranting much, but i think this is a little too much eh? Taking away our free time + holidays? stopping here. have to read.

not a big soccer fan, but tsamina mina zangalewa, this time for africa :D

btw, we're opening mister cadaver in two weeks!!! aaaahh!! so excited!!! yey us!

brains.

2010-06-17T09:46:00.002+08:00

I just got myself a planner. And now it's booked till next week. Booked with quizzes. I feel like a carrot. Go figure. I'm trying to maximize the little time i have to sleep, eat, go online, and everything else that does not involve school. I have a huge backlog with regards to readings, and I can't even memorize all the cranial bones anymore. And all the brain parts, and all the Skeletal Muscles, and all the bones, and.. yeah.

I called Daphne "bianca".
I put toothpaste on my toothbrush, then realized there was still a cover.
I stare into space around 70% of the time. (Normal percentage is around 50%)
My eyebags are amazing.
Normal sleeping hour is 12midnight. WTF.

Not that i'm the only one, I mean..
Everybody's a zombie, but there's no supply of brains. Ah, adjustment phase.

possibly bad influence

2010-06-12T09:16:00.002+08:00

Peter: babes, escano ta ron, inom mi. kuyog na. ali.
Me: ha? ambot lang, wait sa. kuyog si labli?
Peter: bason. ingni to. kuyog ra mo nya apas nalang.
Me: okay. (walking away from the car)sure na jud mo naa ramo escano?
Pater: O, apas mong labli!
Me: sige, apas mi escano. (looks around. all the third years looking at me. thought to myself "oh shit".)

so much for being third year president.

Adto tag rob.

2010-06-04T17:00:00.002+08:00

Summer's ending in two days. I'm contented with whatever I did during my summer break. I've been so busy with everyone and everything I barely had time for myself. I never had a self-date during my two-week vacation.

I'm trying to assemble another shelf on my bedside. All I did was punch a hole in the wall and messed up a screw. Now I have to buy a spare. Ugh. Too much trouble for 1 screw. Screw this.

I think I twisted my back yesterday. It still hurts up to this minute, and poses a large threat to my shelf-assembly-operation. I can handle it.

I just enrolled myself, my cousin and another friend. Well, that's about it.

birthday blog

2010-05-16T23:25:00.003+08:00

I want to document this wonderful day.

May 15 - 10:00pm
Me, lovely, peter, val, and jed at hayahay. Drinks, sisig, pizza, calamares, good music. Roomies texted, they're gonna catch up.

May 16 - 12:00am
Got a load of texts, and my cellphone ran out of battery. I had to borrow Peter's phone for the rest of the night to receive the calls.

Got calls, too. Dave first in line, Jean and the bukid boys next, then cis, then adrs. I have no idea how my sisters got my number. One's in UP Los Baños, one's in UP Diliman. Haven't heard from both of them in ages!

May 16 - 12:30am
Roomies arrive. With a bunch of balloons and a big cake. At Hayahay. Overwhelmed. Happy moments, happy times. :) Roomie love like no other. :D

So... the birthday greetings went on till forever... Got to sleep at 4am. Woke up at around 11, mom called. She had a surprise cake as well :) happiness for us!

Zoe showed up at 3pm. Bringing a bag of nachos she baked for me. Complete with dip. Damn, i'm so lucky!

Afternoon, I went to church, then had dinner with javez, blane and matmat at Moon Cafe. Sisig and mojito love like no other. :D

Memorable, totally. :)

Tomorrow i'm visiting Logan. I'm gonna miss him so much. I know he's gonna miss me too. :c

respiration

2010-05-13T12:21:00.002+08:00

For the past few days life has been hell and heaven. Mostly the latter, i'm thankful. With a dozen fistfuls of friends, who would be lonely? :)

I played loner yesterday: bought a shelf, extension cords, tape, and whatever i need to keep the room as electrically and spatially organized as possible. I saw Dalo and his girlfriend walking (awwh! so cute!heehee ;) ), then I saw Logan sleeping (as usual), and some other sights that i'd consider ordinary in this lovely place. Ran into a couple of friends, texted with another, and at night chatted with another, with my mom and dad texting me (on the same day!) to top it all off. Gee, c'mon, I feel so smothered. hahaha.

My sister.. well, I got myself an external drive (my sister paid for it though). It was a real deal for 1TB of storage. ;) My mom told me she had an awesome birthday, and i'm so happy for her. She deserves every little drop of blessing, Ipuga puga pa gud it blessings, kulang pa.

This morning was music cleanup time, and i accidentally deleted my boyband folder + death cab discography folder, plus all the most recent music files as well. Oh well, I'll have to download everything again. It's okay, I had my share of blessings, why would I complain? :)

second bed

2010-05-07T23:42:00.006+08:00

Got Timber a new home, a Tamrac 3340 Aero. Happy is he. I won't have to disassemble it for storage every time, plus it's all warm and comfy now. It's a pretty bag, too. Not flashy, just black. Not bulky, has a sling, definitely just right.

I'm on daphne's bed in the meantime. She's home till Monday, after she votes. Bianca's going home as well. Gee.

And oh yeah, this guy from digital one offered to fix my AC adaptor two days ago. And he did!

damage:
~~P5,000.00~~
P250.00

yey kuya! yey me!

next agenda: external drive. definitely needed. my laptop's almost full. thank you ate. :D

step 1

2010-05-07T00:45:00.002+08:00

Much has happened, and i am fleeing consistency for unease. I've been jogging to fend off unpleasant thoughts, and i'm very frustrated with my laptop's AC adapter. A load of gratitude to a friend with an identical laptop. Gawd, sacrifice at my expense, I should hate myself for this.

Jogging has taken up the usual drowning-myself-in-music part of the week, which is not so much replaced because i still listen to music while i jog.

Oh yeah, I have a camera now.
What a happy birthday.
I love my mom.
Even if she didn't give me a present for my birthday.
I always do.
I love my overly enthusiastic model friends, too, to bits.

Another stage is getting the camera out while not getting attention. I've only tried it either in the room or just out the front door... at 10pm when nobody's around. I'm just trying to avoid the

"Oh hey, nice camera, i remember your name now. :)"

situation because it really doesn't feel good.

For the most part though, i'm happy with Logan. :}

Futile Express

2010-04-26T15:04:00.004+08:00

You were etched at the back of my eyelids, top of the line zipped up black tux in dust-proof plastic.
No chance peeking at the wonders of magic in the moonlight, keep it still, keep it safe.
Here lies my dark room under the edge of my bed, with mattress and pillow too thick for comfort.

---

scratch that.

Media overload

2010-04-22T12:05:00.003+08:00

I am subconsciously urging myself to watch and listen more. I'm probably trying to saturate my mind with whatever that I won't be able to do after summer. Ah, comforts of summer.

Movies have become a weekly, if not daily encounter. Sources are abundant and everywhere. In the past few days i have collected quite a number of really good songs, a hundred or so. Thank you to my contributors. This selection will keep my playlist happy for months.

I still don't turn the TV on. :)

We beachin'

2010-04-18T20:16:00.004+08:00

Went to Bais with my roomies and the people from DND. Plan was at 7am. Right.

The day started with me and Jodley running into each other at Payag, at 1am. Looks like we just missed Bianca, and looks like I just almost ran into Anna and Shirley at hayahay around midnight.

7am. Bais. Right.

We went at around 8:30 though. We had a lot of fun. Saw a lot of sand dollars, sea snakes, and starfish. :D I still find it weird that after 30 minutes of deep water, we suddenly go down the boat in the middle of the sea, and find the water waist deep and our feet in white sand.

At 5pm the water went down, and the sandbar was visible at last. We brought along a skimboard, and we all thought that was pretty stupid at first, putting a skimboard on a boat.. But then.. yeah.. so... the guys practically skimmed on a narrow shore in the middle of nowhere, which, i must admit, was pretty cool. :D

I'm red as a crab. This will turn into a lovely brown tomorrow. I love summer!

We beachin', you beachin', they beachin', everybody beachin'! :D

fact

2010-04-17T00:58:00.001+08:00

humans are interesting creatures.

nothing more, nothing less.

Consultation Insultation

2010-04-06T23:42:00.004+08:00

Lately i've had a lot of behavior analyzing exercises. i've been one in one place, and the other here, a series of roles in the grand stage, and always do i identify myself as the oblivious one. It was always a statement of "I simply do not get why they do what they do". Now really, who am I to say that when I can relate to every movement, every thought, and every decision?

Probably it's because I don't want to see what happened to me happening to her, but everyone has to learn sometime. I shall let her be. Aye, how I wish she could see where this is going.

I shall see her tomorrow, maybe I should talk to her. I've done enough talking to him. Too much, in fact.

spoons and shoes

2010-04-01T01:06:00.002+08:00

So... i've been running the past few days, and i figured that it could be a good alternative to climbing in the mean time. Since there's no climbing gym here, i don't have much of a choice now do i? It's kind of weird being the only one in the university jogging every late afternoon. But then, it's worth every step. It keeps me from feeling so weak and helpless because there's no wall here, which in itself sucks so much i'd want to change university asap.

Aside from running, eating is the only other word i've come to know much about these past few days. Yes, of course, that motivates me to run. I feel like i'm watching the world from space, and i remain in a chronosphere while everyone is in a constant flux of emotions and change. Not that i'm not subject to both, but maybe it's because of a change in perception.

Perception. That's another chapter in my book. I have discussed about that only so much in my first few blogs here, and i'm not about to delve into another rant-o-mania about that.

And oh yeah. There's something in the room. I haven't gotten around to know what/who it is yet. I will have to find out soon.

How long?

2010-03-26T20:06:00.003+08:00

last night, i drank enough beer to last me a whole summer.
i don't drink much, so four glasses. yeah. :)

It's been two days and I miss spyware. Refer to previous blog posts.
I've been walking around the campus all day trying to make the university open up a PE class, and yeah. I succeeded. Of course I did, I was at it from 9-4:30. For ONE subject. Thank me, future PE classmates. I wish I had a bike here. Walking takes so much time, but since I like walking, it's not that much of a big deal.

The campus is very pretty this time of year, though i'm a bit late to watch the leaves fall. The ground is gold now, and most of the trees are almost bare. The university is at it's prettiest come February. Next year, I shall be here to see it.

While walking around, I came across two acquaintances, not so much of friends, but yeah. One of them went like "oh! it's you!" and the other was like "hey! you're back". so I'm like.. "yeah. \m/"

Had dinner at cafe antonio, Dumaguete's version of cafe Lucia in Tacloban. And i'm still amazed at how their coffee tastes exactly the same. I'm gonna check the brand coffee they use sometime. The coffee is insanely good.

Another bird gets to fly. How long until you could love me? You do, of course.

need. sleep.

2010-03-20T09:51:00.006+08:00

last night was so.. uh. yeah. um. great.

But there's this little voice at the back of my head saying "vent me! vent me!"

*not talking about it*

Ryan and I saw two shooting stars though. Coolness.

and I forgot about the tent. Now the ones left behind have to pack it up and bring it to the city. And for that, I am an extremely irresponsible person. I'm very sorry to whoever will do the chore.. serious.

Gah, I hope heaven gives me another blessing and my dad will let me go with my boys on sunday. *insert smiley here* seems like heaven gives blessings at the wrong time sometimes. *insert another smiley here* but then, i might be already going to bethany. *insert another smiley here* but i can go to bethany all by myself thank you. *insert smiley here* because i'm not a kid anymore thank you. *insert smiley here*

In other news,
maybe that's why I like you so much, You treat me like i'm someone who can do something.

i will see the forest from the trees. breathe. yuh.

editness and updateness: i decided not to go tomorrow. I slept for around 7 hours the whole day and i'm still so tired. -_-

go away

2010-03-18T10:03:00.004+08:00

6 days before I go back to Dumaguete, it's official. And I am to spend these 6 days thinking about what not to think about. Since there is only too much that I am to leave behind, I should think about what I am to encounter. There is so much that could make me well up in tears, but then, tis not the time for such foolishness.

Overload. MY FRIENDS IN TACLOBAN ARE SPYWARE. They're always in the system. (matouch kayo)

In other news, my platelets are 218 and dancing around. link here check that and see how happy I am.

My new piercing.. is still undetected. Good for me, especially since I put my hair up all the time because it's so hot here. Like, so hot. And did I mention that it's so hot? Like, as hot as Jason Castro.

chimney

2010-03-13T22:37:00.003+08:00

I look stoned. I feel stoned.
I'm on top of the world!

Lying down on corals under the shade of the naturally formed rocks, trees and whatever else can make anybody's day. Even the fact that I'm dead tired doesn't matter anymore. The view was exhilarating, and the mood was too jovial to make space for other feelings/heartaches.

Today was about swimming. Today was about climbing eh, kayaking. Today was about adventure. But most of all, today was about having fun with my beloved friends. /awwwwwwwh.

On the other side of the bridge,

But of course, how am I to expect something else?
You're not hearing any of this from me. :)

Fin

2010-03-09T18:26:00.011+08:00

It's one of those days that I just want to end.

I climbed today, and had a pretty unresponsive belayer. Great. Wonder what I did wrong. We went out for some pizza. I got my slice, and the pineapple tidbit on the soggy sauce fell so I splattered ketchup all over one of my favorite tees and my favorite pair of shorts. Those, among other minibadvibes. :)
On the way home I was asking myself what else could possibly go wrong... And then it rained. Hard. Awesome, and to think I had to walk a good 200 meters to get to the house.

When I got home I had a nice long bath and settled down in front of the computer. I was waiting for my dad to call me in for dinner (we made carbonara this afternoon by the way, so yeah. too cool) and just when things were about to get better, my dad came into my room telling me he'd have to get my two nephews and my sister because she's sick and there's nobody at the house to take care of them. OKAY. Great, goodbye double serving.

Since this morning I was looking forward to a nice warm cup of coffee over some quiet rants. Definitely too much to ask.

It's time for another self-date, because after all, I can always manage. Always.

dixie cups

2010-03-06T10:36:00.006+08:00

It's a beautiful day. I noticed that I have been paying more attention to my photoblog rather than being diligent on this blog, and I am to remind myself that this is not the only outlet, but I am to update this nevertheless, because after all, I have only been too used to phrases.

I had a lovely time with myself yesterday over The Time Traveler's Wife and a double-shot-espresso-ed froccino from Gloria Jean's. Alone time is good once in a while. No, I am not antisocial. In fact, I have been too engrossed with what's up with everything else that I sometimes forget to think about what's up with me.

So... What's up, paper cup?

On another note,
I would be crazily astounded if you haven't put two and two together yet.

Please, don't be kind to me anymore.

what i see, what you don't

2010-03-04T22:55:00.001+08:00

reposted this just because..

one day, you’re going to want that girl. the girl that knew she wasn’t perfect but tried to be perfect for you. the girl that believed the scraps of you she was given were worth it because something was better than nothing. the girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. the girl who sees your flaws but values them as much as your strengths. the girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. the girl who saw past your pretty eyes and treasured parts of you that nobody else has ever appreciated. the girl who realizes she may never have your heart but will carry the image of you in hers forever. the girl that sees this and still loves you. that girl should have you, but doesn't.

(laugh inserted here)

light

2010-02-28T19:31:00.005+08:00

For the beauty of scenes as lovely as this are to be appreciated only after a certain sacrifice. The souls of the innocent float along the shadows of the trees, the spirits clear the sky of clouds, and all us left in this earth are left wondering what's become of them. What has become of us?

The only light I can see is of the moon.

My heart to you, O Chile.

letter to myself

2010-02-25T21:17:00.004+08:00

If there's a fence on your perfect path, stop and look around. It's a pretty view. Take a breath of fresh air, drink some water, then climb the fence. Climber ka man ada.

But sometimes, certain things aren't for you. You gotta accept that. No matter how stubborn you are, no matter how VERY stubborn you are, no matter how you try to make it right for you. You have to give it a rest at some point. I know you're trying.

There's always something better coming for you, you just gotta wait. Sometimes you get too impatient. Don't argue, you know you are. Overthinking is your favorite hobby, it's time to just. stop.

Life is breakfast. It's just a matter of how you toss the pancake. If it's burnt more than the tongue can handle, just make another one. You don't have to eat it. Just keep on making pancakes till you get it right. Then rule the world with your awesome pancakes.

One more thing, you're extremely lucky you have amazing friends. You wouldn't need anything else.

Trust me, everything's going to be great! Just keep a pure heart and a happy spirit.

P.S. Overthinking isn't even a word.

reasons

2010-02-18T12:53:00.002+08:00

I might not know what i'm in it for.
I may not even know the reason why i'm still in that spot.
I may not be perfectly molded for subtle reasoning and blunt urges.
I should have been able to stop myself if I wanted to.

All major thoughts point to a simple conclusion in which I already know by heart and revolve around in the first place:

I'm extremely, impractically stubborn when it comes to decisions like this.

Shall I compare cheese on a summer's day

2010-02-12T23:34:00.004+08:00

Love's fall filled with such grace
For it's stand has been but forbidden
It shall but hide it's ever fair face.
For what is love, when love is hidden?

Loved to it's core, till' all is at sight
All worn down, dent and rotten
A fighting spree for a romantic plight
For what is love, when love's forgotten?

Love lost in the hazy murk of gray,
Heaven's cry of immeasurable cost
O, what now? what part shall thou play?
For what is love, when love is lost?

Oh, February.

Lothar's

2010-02-07T23:45:00.008+08:00

Random frustrations... worth it to make people happy, I guess. No point in explaining further. I already had the luxury of letting it out to a friend.

Well anyway so much for feelings, hey February. gah.

I guess I shouldn't put too much effort to make the sun shine every time there's a chance. maybe it would be missed. maybe the sun would miss me. maybe not. probably not. nah. :P

Barkada date on Thursday... We're all single. gawd, such weak people.

Anyone not booked on Sunday? You perhaps?

kettle

2010-02-03T17:33:00.002+08:00

Alone today.

Armed with a cup of brewed coffee from this morning and two sandwiches, I find myself curled up on the big yellow chair in the patio. The weather is just right, and the ghastly yellow glow of the sunset does it's daily parade before it vanishes at the back of victor's peak. The breeze is cool, and easily lifts my mood. I can stay here all afternoon, and I probably will.

This kind of bliss is a luxury. I cannot ask for anything else. But gladly will I trade all this for something I cannot attain. But then, what I ask for is far beyond bliss.

(far beyond san jose, far beyond nula tula, far beyond leyte and samar. random joke)

left foot out of order = power training for my right leg + enough thinking to extend sanity account for the next two weeks.

Memory gap kaba? Kasi you make me forget i'm hurting.

soda

2010-02-01T00:59:00.005+08:00

"Rupert, suddenly I want to run! Chase me!" - stewie griffin

It .YOU must be the sugar.

/headbangs

My mind was a lot less preoccupied then, and it was then that i had connected to my vibrant string of a soul. Now here i am, fighting moths and mosquitoes in a mind not suitable for deep thinking. Not now, not anymore. It's time to clean the slate.

I miss how I used to write when this was all new. I had a lot of time to think back then. Thinking was all I ever did.

triangles and circles

2010-01-12T09:21:00.002+08:00

Nostalgia running down my spine like sweat down my back. I know this feeling, and it's been a while. Who am I to judge?

I'm all good. :)

Why do I blog about this? Geez. Emptying the can I guess.
Yuh, there we go. It's empty.

cool - gwen stefani

chipped

2010-01-01T23:20:00.003+08:00

I had the best New Year's Day ever with my old loving friends. Just finished a late night movie marathon with them tonight, and it's as nostalgic as the playlist on my player roughly 7 years ago.

We're still there, and it's still us.
Friends come, friends go, brim or bottom, we remain in the bottle.
We change, we mature, but at the end of the night we still end up on the floor, laughing our hearts out.

My love goes out to the people I have shared my day with.

----------------------

In another aspect. One thing about new year is that I can let my frustration out in a couple o' sentences. Make that one.

I hate it when people talk to me as if i'm some porcelain doll on a shelf.
Don't do this. Don't do that.

"magkapasa ka ngani."

I AM NOT FUCKING FRAGILE.

..!..

minutes

2009-12-31T12:45:00.003+08:00

The dust of bustle has been blown off, and the grime of excuses wiped off. Now it looks new, it feels new. I never knew it could make me feel so sad. Now I realize I never really could escape from it in the first place. The spirit of the holidays engulf us as we share whatever there is to share, and my mile-long list of fillers act as the front line facade. You finished the mile in half a minute. You always did.

It always was fun talking to you, and that never changed. I didn't expect you to have the same questions I had after the show ended. I guess that's normal, and we could get used to it. Clearly, I'm new to that..

Then again, I'm glad we're still friends.

ember.

2009-12-16T19:22:00.003+08:00

The season brings only so much joy, yet here I am, trading hearty laughter for awkward silence over an empty cup of coffee. My overactive disposition has dragged me to the edge of what limits may permit.

The intensity of my booming happiness can only be parred by an agelast. And in that moment, I am drained by every little nod, every empty stare, every little thing that makes me want to hurl a seat and call it a night. Annoying? yes, but tolerance is something to be developed, so who am I to complain?

I approve of neither schadenfreude nor masochism, yet it is needless to say that I can be a little of both when in the mood. The flame must go out sometime, but the weather is too cold to risk my sanity. In time I shall collect the ashes and... draw a graffiti or something.

For whatever the season may bring me, here's a toast. *clinkchugulp*

detour

2009-12-08T09:04:00.002+08:00

It has come to a point where i do not know what to think anymore. I try to evade every little twitch and turn, and now I am lost somewhere between phases.

I don't even know who i'm talking about anymore.

aftermath

2009-11-30T09:09:00.004+08:00

I was at ease with an affable character, only too much that it disabled defense for a moment. A moment, enough to graze the castle's walls. Gifted with sheer agility, but attack was as weak as Kardel's ass.

Progress: Castle repair up and done. Trouble fled out of grounds, out of range, and out of sight (hopefully)

Heavy burden: Lifted
Defense: back at 100%
Attack: no need.

:)

jean would be so happy.
and dave too. lol