Tasks at hand

"We are the ones who were never afraid, we need no rehearsal to dance. 
We're well aware this may be our last chance, so bring on the avalanche."

Things to do:

From one writing gig to another. I must have done something right. Unfortunately, this is the time period wherein i'm supposed to be studying for my law exam. Let's see how my multitasking skills fare.

And here I am writing something else. I must be pretty confident huh. These days i'm more of "The Lord's got my back" than anything, but I know I should do my part as well. I really should. I feel like such a slacker.

Current emotional status:

Nope. Still blank.

Keyboard comforts

The days drag by as I wait for the ever-elusive Authorization to Test letter for the Florida Law Exam for Physical Therapists. I wish I applied for it sooner, but considering I just learned about the need for an ATT on that last week, well... It's time to find other ways of wasting the days away.

Hello, Upwork, my old friend. It has been a while.

The days won't feel so dragging when you're earning.

Decisions for an adult undergoing denial

I have received blessing upon blessing last week, and it is just now that I have realized that there is such a time as this: a time period after last week. Apparently all my plans stopped after that since I was under the "one day at a time" mantra.  The inevitable "What now?" creeps up and does a little marathon in my brain every now and then.

My plans and my prayers go hand in hand as I explore the possibilities of a job here. The sooner I get one, the sooner I get to start my experience at being a legitimate "adult" in the US, well, on paper at least. May the Lord guide my steps, and show me how I am supposed to tackle this, so I may start saving for the independent life I want to lead. I rest my future in Him alone, and not on my own strength, though I will do my part.

I am still on 40mg of prednisone and am experiencing severe headaches as a form of withdrawal from the tapering, but this will come to pass. I am looking forward for a positive outcome from all this.

Overjoyed, Overwhelmed, and a little sorry

The sweet, sweet fruit of years of trying to grasp the concept of  I am to do with my life with regards to the status of my "profession", finally ripened. Not only did it ripen, but it also dropped from the tree and onto my big toe, no less dramatic than that. Just a little reminder that while I was busying myself in reaching for that fruit using so many futile attempts, God was making me wait for the right time for it to be ripened, and to fall and be partaken at the right moment. There is no more perfect moment to show God's glory than through the circumstances I have been in that led to this moment. This was no subtle hint. This was putting me down with a lot of Tylenol PM, meds that impair my judgement (all the more scaring me because I have no control over my body OR my mind), and the Lord telling me "I got this, woman. You have such a hard head. Where is your faith?"

This is like Mark 4:35-41, When the disciples called on to Jesus for help when stormy seas tossed the boat around, and Jesus calmed the storm just by telling the sea to be still. "Do you still have no faith?" 

Tagos, Lord. Forgive me.

Setbacks make us move forward

It's such a pleasant irony when something that is supposed to hold you back ends up pushing you further than you'd ever imagine.

The past weeks have made me take a leap of faith and perspective; a leap so great I would never have imagined that I could in such a short span of time without a force as strong as the one that hit me. A body that is at rest remains at rest unless an outside force acts on it, after all. Thank you, Newton Law number 1.

I'm willing to move in constant velocity from now on. There is still that nagging feeling of a lack of purpose, but i'll get there eventually. The Lord has been faithful, and at some point He will reveal to me what I look for, when the time is right. I fully trust that everything has been planned according to His will.

I will be still.

Familiar shores

I am starting to feel the all-too-familiar pangs of drug recognition. My body slowly succumbs to my medication, and I am left powerless, grasping for control of my own mind. It's a slow and steady decay from here. I know I might have to stay on it for another couple of months, and I am not looking forward to this at all. The headaches have started, and the anticipation of sudden stomach pain gets me writhing at every moment of unease. Insomnia is the least of my problems, apparently, as I start to battle with my will to control mania, bouts of compulsive behavior, and obsessive thinking, that is, to state the least morbid things.

This sounds so pathetic coming from me, since I usually have precise control over everything. Maybe that's why this is all so infuriating.

Maybe my apparent control is just an effort to mask what I cannot.

Before I start complaining and bargaining for something I have no right to bargain with, I will cut this short.

And apparently, the depressive episodes due to the drugs are starting already. I better watch out. I'm trying to keep a positive vibe-thing going on, and being unable to control my thoughts due to physiological mechanisms is very frustrating.